"as if you need to be from the South", honestly, you don't have too. Why? It's because we accept people as nicely it could be. You felt ashamed because of what we are doing? Oh, c'mon! Keep in mind we don't do anything to you. You have that thinking not ours, so better yet try to understand and compose your thoughts.
We don't mind you at all! We don't care who you are or what you are, we mind our own business, do yours. Don't blame us if we 1st met your guy and been with him for a decade. Asked his parents why they have to lived from South and not in North.
For the record, your the only girl that I've been nice with. Entertain your queries about him or their family. I tried to be in my proper manner every time I saw you. But hey, think! did I ever busted you around for you to get rid of us? NONE!
You provoke me to do what I should've do a long time ago. And now, Im playing your game so play mine. Dont act as if you were beaten up to death.
Don't say anything that will push me to my limit 'coz as much as possible I want to ignore you all day! Your actions fed me up. Im gonna say everything I wanna say in front of you.
We don't ask them to chose between you or us, we know who'll they chose and we understand. For a very long time, we don't mind. we don't bullied you. We were polite and nice (trying!). Girl, there's no competition going on who he love most! coz for sure its not you either. You are competing with yourself and when you gather all your answers you throw it away to us.
Think. Think. Think. Clear your mind! We don't do anything, we don't mind you (until now) and call many back ups you want but be sure TO KNOW THE STORY! KNOW THE FACTS.
You want it to be easy as a trash? play my game! let's see.
Dont act as if you know everything about us!
A shout out of my life.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Anti Social Personality
To begin with, I am a Psyche graduate. Psychology is a branch of Science that studied HUMAN BEHAVIOR.
I remember way back college the professor will usually asked "why do you take up Psychology as your course? isnt your own choice or parents' choice?" I always answered "Its my personal choice. I was inspired by our guidance counselor in high school about the course. And I find it interesting, may be because I want to understand myself more and how to mingle with other people and these course is a pre-law, another factor."
Well, I could say that out of five I hit three objectives.
First, i find it very interesting! somehow i do not believe in theories :) specially Sigmund Freud because it's more of sexual stuffs <he is the founder though :)>. I do believe and consistently live in the Maslow's hierarchy (alright, get a pen and paper! quiz later. :D). The ladder to success are more on reality.
Second was, it's a pre law. yeah, i took law school for one semester, I so want to go back. But because of expensive tuition fees that I cannot support myself even though I am working I cannot. And besides I want to study. ONLY STUDY. I could pass all the subject if only I focus my attention to study. But it cannot be done. Why? I still have sibling who is not yet finished studying and Mom wouldnt take all the responsibility for me because like I said I am employed. But in due time, ill go back and study the Philippine Law and be a dilligent Lawyer. (naks!)
Third, its a personal choice. I cant remember anything my parents told me that you should take this or that. they let me choose. Actually, when I was in freshman year in High School, I want to take up Mass Communication or Tourism. May be tourism, my Mom wants for me (guess!).
The thing that my course that I didn't internalize is understanding myself and how to deal with people. Why? Its because I know what to do but when it is right in front you or you are actually on that scenario, you cannot avoid it. you'll burst into anger instead of understanding yourself or them.
I am an extrovert person. I "usually" go out with friends, have fun, I always love to see people I care surrounding me. But when I am into a relationship, these kind of actions are limited. Oh yes, its about my relationship again. One moment we're okay, one moment not. Lately, I figured it out what's wrong with me. Because I am too demanding that he cannot give me what I really want! That sometimes our situation didnt permit us to these kind of things. But now, as things go longer between us. I figured out what is wrong. It's HIM, capital H-I-M. He was raised with the mentality of "friends cannot give you good things" but rather they'll take you to the bad side of life like using drugs, being alcoholic, etc. But my point is, I do not have friends like that. I choose my friends. And I choose who to be with. I choose to be with them because I know they're a good influence. I cannot remember anything that they drive me to do these stuff or if you cannot do this you're not welcome. DUH??? no!
The point is you do not have to choose between whom you should go with. There's a lot of couples nowadays that there bf's friends are friends with you and vice versa because my definition of a friend is FAMILY, specially when you guys grew up together. Its fun. You could laugh all that silly things happened to you when your first crush founds out that you admire him/her, your first pee in school, your first monthly period and you're panic because you do not know what to do, your first use of sando bra then a bra =))), your first suitor who turns out courting your another friend, your first heart break.. several heart breaks. The separation between the two of you because you have different university and different course. And you're scared because people you'll meet might not want you. But then you gained more friends.
Having a different circle of friends is fun, its like your candidate for an national election and every where you go people knows you. Its like your celebrity. Yes, i had that kind of life! (im not being boastful.) HAD which means past.
From the first day I met him, I know that having a lot friend will be one of a factor why we will be having arguments. And yes, indeed! Im glad that my friends understand these kind of situation. BUT I CANNOT UNDERSTAND! You could be friends with every body as long as you know right from wrong.
For the past three years, I could say that my life have been him, me, him, me! And earlier when we had this discussion regarding those, I said this to him "hindi lang tayo ang tao sa mundo, walang kailangang piliin, wala kang ka-competensya sakin. walang nagpapa-pili sayo," and he said a lot! that it hurts me so much to the point even my family was included. its foul!
He is ANTI SOCIAL! BIG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!! and he want me to be the same. but I cannot. I know there is nothing wrong. But I really changed a lot from the time we became couple because thats what he wants and that is my choice. His a loving, caring person no doubt. But once he burst into anger all hurtful things will pop out to his mouth. And these sucks me so much. I have a good memeory in experience and it will take me a while to forget it.
I again, deactivated my facebook account and now I am thinking if i should deactivate my twitter too. But these blog? I won't! because he doesnt know I have this! and I do not have hundreds of followers here. And people is not interested with what I am posting. This is one way of showing him that he means so much to me. It's so silly. He acted like a ten year old kid. He doesnt even know how to RELAX! sometimes I want him to visit a psychiatrist and have couple of session but I'll bet he wouldnt believe what will the doctor say.
Aside from being ANTI SOCIAL, he don't accept opinions, his failure, when his wrong. He always want what he thinks. His a relogious person but sometimes I know its bad, but I think he is a fake believer of God. or he has faith in a wrong way. Am I bad? Oh yeah, I asked question that no one will bother to answer me back! And he is also obessess (in me) which is I think good factor but its way too obssess that he doesnt want me to have my own life or career. May be he wants but I should be ALONE WITH HIM!!!
Ill never forget what my professor told me, "if you really want to understand other people, you should know where they are coming from", I understand where he came from. But its too much. I do not know until when Ill be like this or he'll be like that.
argh! but the good thing though we're okay! :). I just want to voice out all my emotions so by the time I could talk to him tomorrow Im okay. We're okay. The relationship is still there.
I owe God big time for giving me this patience and understanding. I hope someday he (bf) will build a wall of fame or statue outside our house or somewhere in the land and write it down all the things Ive done for him.
I WISH!!!!
peace, one love, spread it out -from Cabbagie's Vblog.
have a good life! ;)
I remember way back college the professor will usually asked "why do you take up Psychology as your course? isnt your own choice or parents' choice?" I always answered "Its my personal choice. I was inspired by our guidance counselor in high school about the course. And I find it interesting, may be because I want to understand myself more and how to mingle with other people and these course is a pre-law, another factor."
Well, I could say that out of five I hit three objectives.
First, i find it very interesting! somehow i do not believe in theories :) specially Sigmund Freud because it's more of sexual stuffs <he is the founder though :)>. I do believe and consistently live in the Maslow's hierarchy (alright, get a pen and paper! quiz later. :D). The ladder to success are more on reality.
Second was, it's a pre law. yeah, i took law school for one semester, I so want to go back. But because of expensive tuition fees that I cannot support myself even though I am working I cannot. And besides I want to study. ONLY STUDY. I could pass all the subject if only I focus my attention to study. But it cannot be done. Why? I still have sibling who is not yet finished studying and Mom wouldnt take all the responsibility for me because like I said I am employed. But in due time, ill go back and study the Philippine Law and be a dilligent Lawyer. (naks!)
Third, its a personal choice. I cant remember anything my parents told me that you should take this or that. they let me choose. Actually, when I was in freshman year in High School, I want to take up Mass Communication or Tourism. May be tourism, my Mom wants for me (guess!).
The thing that my course that I didn't internalize is understanding myself and how to deal with people. Why? Its because I know what to do but when it is right in front you or you are actually on that scenario, you cannot avoid it. you'll burst into anger instead of understanding yourself or them.
I am an extrovert person. I "usually" go out with friends, have fun, I always love to see people I care surrounding me. But when I am into a relationship, these kind of actions are limited. Oh yes, its about my relationship again. One moment we're okay, one moment not. Lately, I figured it out what's wrong with me. Because I am too demanding that he cannot give me what I really want! That sometimes our situation didnt permit us to these kind of things. But now, as things go longer between us. I figured out what is wrong. It's HIM, capital H-I-M. He was raised with the mentality of "friends cannot give you good things" but rather they'll take you to the bad side of life like using drugs, being alcoholic, etc. But my point is, I do not have friends like that. I choose my friends. And I choose who to be with. I choose to be with them because I know they're a good influence. I cannot remember anything that they drive me to do these stuff or if you cannot do this you're not welcome. DUH??? no!
The point is you do not have to choose between whom you should go with. There's a lot of couples nowadays that there bf's friends are friends with you and vice versa because my definition of a friend is FAMILY, specially when you guys grew up together. Its fun. You could laugh all that silly things happened to you when your first crush founds out that you admire him/her, your first pee in school, your first monthly period and you're panic because you do not know what to do, your first use of sando bra then a bra =))), your first suitor who turns out courting your another friend, your first heart break.. several heart breaks. The separation between the two of you because you have different university and different course. And you're scared because people you'll meet might not want you. But then you gained more friends.
Having a different circle of friends is fun, its like your candidate for an national election and every where you go people knows you. Its like your celebrity. Yes, i had that kind of life! (im not being boastful.) HAD which means past.
From the first day I met him, I know that having a lot friend will be one of a factor why we will be having arguments. And yes, indeed! Im glad that my friends understand these kind of situation. BUT I CANNOT UNDERSTAND! You could be friends with every body as long as you know right from wrong.
For the past three years, I could say that my life have been him, me, him, me! And earlier when we had this discussion regarding those, I said this to him "hindi lang tayo ang tao sa mundo, walang kailangang piliin, wala kang ka-competensya sakin. walang nagpapa-pili sayo," and he said a lot! that it hurts me so much to the point even my family was included. its foul!
He is ANTI SOCIAL! BIG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!! and he want me to be the same. but I cannot. I know there is nothing wrong. But I really changed a lot from the time we became couple because thats what he wants and that is my choice. His a loving, caring person no doubt. But once he burst into anger all hurtful things will pop out to his mouth. And these sucks me so much. I have a good memeory in experience and it will take me a while to forget it.
I again, deactivated my facebook account and now I am thinking if i should deactivate my twitter too. But these blog? I won't! because he doesnt know I have this! and I do not have hundreds of followers here. And people is not interested with what I am posting. This is one way of showing him that he means so much to me. It's so silly. He acted like a ten year old kid. He doesnt even know how to RELAX! sometimes I want him to visit a psychiatrist and have couple of session but I'll bet he wouldnt believe what will the doctor say.
Aside from being ANTI SOCIAL, he don't accept opinions, his failure, when his wrong. He always want what he thinks. His a relogious person but sometimes I know its bad, but I think he is a fake believer of God. or he has faith in a wrong way. Am I bad? Oh yeah, I asked question that no one will bother to answer me back! And he is also obessess (in me) which is I think good factor but its way too obssess that he doesnt want me to have my own life or career. May be he wants but I should be ALONE WITH HIM!!!
Ill never forget what my professor told me, "if you really want to understand other people, you should know where they are coming from", I understand where he came from. But its too much. I do not know until when Ill be like this or he'll be like that.
argh! but the good thing though we're okay! :). I just want to voice out all my emotions so by the time I could talk to him tomorrow Im okay. We're okay. The relationship is still there.
I owe God big time for giving me this patience and understanding. I hope someday he (bf) will build a wall of fame or statue outside our house or somewhere in the land and write it down all the things Ive done for him.
I WISH!!!!
peace, one love, spread it out -from Cabbagie's Vblog.
have a good life! ;)
Sunday, March 6, 2011
An almost Car Accident
It's Sunday. A family day with my family. I was attacked by my hormonal imbalances. They're done preparing and Im not yet. My mom the usual "magmadali ka ever" shouted me already. Pero sabi nga nila eh kapag pinagmadali mo ko lalo akong bumabagal. But they're still looking at the mirror and until I finally came down coz Im done.
Walked. Waited for taxi and I said Ill ride the fx with Raymond. And so it was. Raymond came. No traffic. Less cars. A smooth sailing ride until we reached St. Francis area in Ortigas. Ilang metro na lang SM Mega Mall na. And the FX almost hit a privte car. BREAK! And boom! my body was pushed from the back seat to the middle seat. And Raymond bumped into my head, Actuall y I didnt felt that he bumped into my head. The old man in front of me, shouted "aray" naipit ung paa nya sa middle seat kasi umangat ung upuan at doon ako napasiksik!
Raymond asked me if I am okay. I said Iam. Masakit lang talaga ung hita ko. "may sugat ka ba?" wala naman. Until I flipped my pants and saw a 2inch scar in my legs. THAT WAS THE MOMENT RAYMOND SHOUTED TO THE FX DRIVER
"PUTANG INA KASI TONG DRIVER NA TO EH, GAGO!"
DRIVER LOOKED!
"DAHAN-DAHAN KA LANG KASI. NAKAKASAKIT KA EH!
DRIVER: DAHAN-DAHAN NAMAN PO TAYO AH. MAINGAT NAMAN.
R: SINISIGAWAN BA KITA AH.
ME: TAMA NA. BAY TAMA NA! SIGE MANONG OKAY LANG PO.
R: UMAYOS KA KASI EH.
D: MAAYOS NAMAN PO AH.
ME: MANONG PARA NA PO. ITABI NYO NA PO AT BABA NA KAMI.
tinabi. bumaba kami.
Hinala ko si Raymond, hindi ko sya pinagsabihan I know he's just mad because of what happened to me. He proved (unconciously) lang talaga na he wanted me to be safe all the time.
R: Masakit pa ba?
ME: Oo, ung hita ko talaga masakit eh.
R: tarantado talagang driver un. Kala ko nga bumaba eh. Kung bumaba un nd i ko talaga uurungan un! bubugbugin ko talaga un.
M: oh tama na!
R: Okay lang sana kung ako masaktan eh. wag lang ikaw. tarantado talaga un. Minura ba nya ako?
M: hindi. ikaw ang nagmura! =))
R: dun sa matanda okay lang eh. wala ako pakialam. pero nung nakita ko ung sugat mo. nag dilim paningin ko eh. kung baril ako siguro nabaril ko na un.
M: grabe ka naman.
R: totoo nga! sa susunod ako na mauuna maupo ah. lesson learned.
M: at un talaga ang lesson learned mo. =)))
After the mass.
R: humingi ako ng sorry kay papa jesus at mama mary sa sinabi ko kanina.
M: di ba dapat sa driver ka rin humnige ng sorry?
R: bahala sya.
Walked. Waited for taxi and I said Ill ride the fx with Raymond. And so it was. Raymond came. No traffic. Less cars. A smooth sailing ride until we reached St. Francis area in Ortigas. Ilang metro na lang SM Mega Mall na. And the FX almost hit a privte car. BREAK! And boom! my body was pushed from the back seat to the middle seat. And Raymond bumped into my head, Actuall y I didnt felt that he bumped into my head. The old man in front of me, shouted "aray" naipit ung paa nya sa middle seat kasi umangat ung upuan at doon ako napasiksik!
Raymond asked me if I am okay. I said Iam. Masakit lang talaga ung hita ko. "may sugat ka ba?" wala naman. Until I flipped my pants and saw a 2inch scar in my legs. THAT WAS THE MOMENT RAYMOND SHOUTED TO THE FX DRIVER
"PUTANG INA KASI TONG DRIVER NA TO EH, GAGO!"
DRIVER LOOKED!
"DAHAN-DAHAN KA LANG KASI. NAKAKASAKIT KA EH!
DRIVER: DAHAN-DAHAN NAMAN PO TAYO AH. MAINGAT NAMAN.
R: SINISIGAWAN BA KITA AH.
ME: TAMA NA. BAY TAMA NA! SIGE MANONG OKAY LANG PO.
R: UMAYOS KA KASI EH.
D: MAAYOS NAMAN PO AH.
ME: MANONG PARA NA PO. ITABI NYO NA PO AT BABA NA KAMI.
tinabi. bumaba kami.
Hinala ko si Raymond, hindi ko sya pinagsabihan I know he's just mad because of what happened to me. He proved (unconciously) lang talaga na he wanted me to be safe all the time.
R: Masakit pa ba?
ME: Oo, ung hita ko talaga masakit eh.
R: tarantado talagang driver un. Kala ko nga bumaba eh. Kung bumaba un nd i ko talaga uurungan un! bubugbugin ko talaga un.
M: oh tama na!
R: Okay lang sana kung ako masaktan eh. wag lang ikaw. tarantado talaga un. Minura ba nya ako?
M: hindi. ikaw ang nagmura! =))
R: dun sa matanda okay lang eh. wala ako pakialam. pero nung nakita ko ung sugat mo. nag dilim paningin ko eh. kung baril ako siguro nabaril ko na un.
M: grabe ka naman.
R: totoo nga! sa susunod ako na mauuna maupo ah. lesson learned.
M: at un talaga ang lesson learned mo. =)))
After the mass.
R: humingi ako ng sorry kay papa jesus at mama mary sa sinabi ko kanina.
M: di ba dapat sa driver ka rin humnige ng sorry?
R: bahala sya.
M: =)).
R: pag pray na lang natin ung mga ganong klase ng tao.
M: ipagprapray din kita wag masyadong highblood. natense ako sau eh. eksena tau sa FX.
R: =))
Lunch served at Shakey's and here at the Restroom i got the glimpse to see what happened to my tighs. NAMAMAGA AT MAY 4 NA SUGAT. I took a picture. Raymond saw it. and all he can say is "tsk tsk tsk" and my Dad "anong plate no. nung FX? nakita mo ba?" my mom "hindi man lang ba nagtanong kung may nasaktan?" I BOTH ANSWERED THEM "NO" dad: bumili ka ng antibiotic at betadine gamutin mo yan pag uwe ah." "yes dad"
****** Never mess with him lalo na kapag nasaktan ako. SCARY KASI EH. =))) ******** hindi ako 'yong magagalit, sya. as in big time. ung kala ko sa movie lang sya pwde rin pala in real life. well, I am blessed to have this man in my life that he'll fight for me and be with me in every aspect of my life. OA but true.
R: pag pray na lang natin ung mga ganong klase ng tao.
M: ipagprapray din kita wag masyadong highblood. natense ako sau eh. eksena tau sa FX.
R: =))
Lunch served at Shakey's and here at the Restroom i got the glimpse to see what happened to my tighs. NAMAMAGA AT MAY 4 NA SUGAT. I took a picture. Raymond saw it. and all he can say is "tsk tsk tsk" and my Dad "anong plate no. nung FX? nakita mo ba?" my mom "hindi man lang ba nagtanong kung may nasaktan?" I BOTH ANSWERED THEM "NO" dad: bumili ka ng antibiotic at betadine gamutin mo yan pag uwe ah." "yes dad"
****** Never mess with him lalo na kapag nasaktan ako. SCARY KASI EH. =))) ******** hindi ako 'yong magagalit, sya. as in big time. ung kala ko sa movie lang sya pwde rin pala in real life. well, I am blessed to have this man in my life that he'll fight for me and be with me in every aspect of my life. OA but true.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
The Reason
I do not know what is happening to me lately. tantrums is consistently knocking in my door and I always welcome them.
My boyfriend and I are in the point of "walang pakialam". I know it's my fault though (some). But I just can't take it anymore the insecurities that he's been denying from the day 1 of our "couple's life". He'd always asked who is this? are you having sex with him? do you had one night stand with him?" FUCK!!! He's such a jerk in my ass. For the record, his the only guy I met with this kind of thinking.
Yeah, probably you would say "why don't you leave him?" yes I did it already (twice). Both happened this month. Last week was the first and last weekend was the second. I said all the bad words I can! HIS A BITCH! and now, I am thinking of the house we bought. The future I built with him. The family I built with him. The wedding we planned, this is not gonna happened anymore.
He said to me the first time I broke up with him, "no matter how many times you let go and you do not want to see me, Ill always be here for you. I love you too much that I cannot let go of you. I wont let you go, you're my happiness, you're m y life, you're everything to me." (in tagalog) and he said that to me again last weekend. I know him that well and I know he mean what he said.
I am in love with this man from day 1 I met him in Araneta until now I am typing this. (so what's the problem?) because I can't breathe anymore, because I wanted the life that we had before. The life that was not so complicated and we don't worry of others. What am I saying is that, he's been too selfish. For the past three years we've been together all I could hear from him is that "intindihin mo na lang ako!, intindihin mo naman ako. Hindi mo ba ako maintindihan?" YES, FOR THREE YEARS. All I had to do is understand you even you can't understand me. I gave it all to him. I gave every understanding he needs, the trust he wants, the love he couldn't get to any one. I gave it all to him. I never asked for anything just this one, TRUST ME. For God's sake. My world revolve in your world when you asked me to do so. I never asked anything from you, I never demanded for a rose on my birthday, I just need your presence. I never asked chocolates from you when it's valentines, 'coz I need is your hugs and kisses. I never demanded a gift from you on Christmas season 'coz I want you to spend it all in your family and be with them. I never asked you to buy me new stuffs during new year 'coz I know your saving all your money for your family. I never complained when you can't see me because you have scheduled basketball game 'coz I know you need exposure for your basketball career (to become a professional player soon).
I NEVER DEMANDED ANYTHING FROM YOU, I just need you to trust me. And that's all. I never asked anything and this is all I got? I also want you to understand me, I also want you to trust me, and I also want you to love me more than anything else. Why is it so hard for you to see that? to give that to me? you always said to me "ano ba yan mahal, three years na tayo ganyan ka pa rin magisip!" It's because I never felt you understand me, I never felt you care, I never felt you trust me.
I couldn't question your love to me, that is awesome. But building a life together means having love, understanding and trust. But the 2 factors are not in our life. That is what I need you to do. That's all I need from you. But your putting gap in it. You're putting too much boundaries in giving every attention to me.
I am confident that you changed everything in me. From party goer to home alone. From alcoholic drinks to H2O. From shopping to investments. I know you know everything that you changed in me. I am not saying that I regret doing that or because I am forced by you to that. Honestly, I did that because I love you and I understand your thoughts, I trust you that it will not only benefit our relationship but I my self. I never doubted your faith, I never questioned anything you say. To sum it all up, I became your follower. And I chose that. Because I LOVE YOU.
I am just asking you two things: TRUST and UNDERSTANDING.
And once you can give it to me, we can be as happy as you wished to be happy.
But for now, let our relationship be this way. Let's give ourselves the time to breathe and think.
My boyfriend and I are in the point of "walang pakialam". I know it's my fault though (some). But I just can't take it anymore the insecurities that he's been denying from the day 1 of our "couple's life". He'd always asked who is this? are you having sex with him? do you had one night stand with him?" FUCK!!! He's such a jerk in my ass. For the record, his the only guy I met with this kind of thinking.
Yeah, probably you would say "why don't you leave him?" yes I did it already (twice). Both happened this month. Last week was the first and last weekend was the second. I said all the bad words I can! HIS A BITCH! and now, I am thinking of the house we bought. The future I built with him. The family I built with him. The wedding we planned, this is not gonna happened anymore.
He said to me the first time I broke up with him, "no matter how many times you let go and you do not want to see me, Ill always be here for you. I love you too much that I cannot let go of you. I wont let you go, you're my happiness, you're m y life, you're everything to me." (in tagalog) and he said that to me again last weekend. I know him that well and I know he mean what he said.
I am in love with this man from day 1 I met him in Araneta until now I am typing this. (so what's the problem?) because I can't breathe anymore, because I wanted the life that we had before. The life that was not so complicated and we don't worry of others. What am I saying is that, he's been too selfish. For the past three years we've been together all I could hear from him is that "intindihin mo na lang ako!, intindihin mo naman ako. Hindi mo ba ako maintindihan?" YES, FOR THREE YEARS. All I had to do is understand you even you can't understand me. I gave it all to him. I gave every understanding he needs, the trust he wants, the love he couldn't get to any one. I gave it all to him. I never asked for anything just this one, TRUST ME. For God's sake. My world revolve in your world when you asked me to do so. I never asked anything from you, I never demanded for a rose on my birthday, I just need your presence. I never asked chocolates from you when it's valentines, 'coz I need is your hugs and kisses. I never demanded a gift from you on Christmas season 'coz I want you to spend it all in your family and be with them. I never asked you to buy me new stuffs during new year 'coz I know your saving all your money for your family. I never complained when you can't see me because you have scheduled basketball game 'coz I know you need exposure for your basketball career (to become a professional player soon).
I NEVER DEMANDED ANYTHING FROM YOU, I just need you to trust me. And that's all. I never asked anything and this is all I got? I also want you to understand me, I also want you to trust me, and I also want you to love me more than anything else. Why is it so hard for you to see that? to give that to me? you always said to me "ano ba yan mahal, three years na tayo ganyan ka pa rin magisip!" It's because I never felt you understand me, I never felt you care, I never felt you trust me.
I couldn't question your love to me, that is awesome. But building a life together means having love, understanding and trust. But the 2 factors are not in our life. That is what I need you to do. That's all I need from you. But your putting gap in it. You're putting too much boundaries in giving every attention to me.
I am confident that you changed everything in me. From party goer to home alone. From alcoholic drinks to H2O. From shopping to investments. I know you know everything that you changed in me. I am not saying that I regret doing that or because I am forced by you to that. Honestly, I did that because I love you and I understand your thoughts, I trust you that it will not only benefit our relationship but I my self. I never doubted your faith, I never questioned anything you say. To sum it all up, I became your follower. And I chose that. Because I LOVE YOU.
I am just asking you two things: TRUST and UNDERSTANDING.
And once you can give it to me, we can be as happy as you wished to be happy.
But for now, let our relationship be this way. Let's give ourselves the time to breathe and think.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Waiting in Vain
For the record I am waiting for 2 days now. This isn't because we're not okay or there's a problem we need to solve. This is about my future, my own future. I don't know how long this is gonna be. All I know is that every day when I opened my emails, no email coming from them. But I was advise that it will take 20-46 days to know the result. I can not tell you now what it is. Because it might not be for me. I wanna make sure things are in proper places before I publicly tell it.
Anyways, everyday of waiting is such a nervous break down. I really wanted an "yes" answer but it is really up to them.
Dear Lord God,
Please help me with this. I know I am a sinner and I have no right to ask you a favor for me. But you also did say that we should lift it to you and you'll carry our burden. I've been trying to have this for the long time. I hope this is it! I hope this wouldn't break my heart. I have so many plans already, I even day dream about it. And I know you know that. Lord God, I will never question your plans for me but I am grateful each day because I am alive, my parents are safe, healthy as well as my brothers and Raymond's family. Thank you Lord for the digital answers you sent to me for the past days :) it made me really happy.
Thank you Lord. I'll be forever your follower!
Sincerely,
GCVB
Speaking of Parents, my Mom, left a note indicating how they felt about my attitude for the past days. I don't know actually what I told them but I didn't mean it (I guess!). And pansin ko din naman sa sarili ko lately, I've been so irritable to smoke, to people, to parties, to everything. Like my friends said I am having HORMONAL IMBALANCE. =). And I actually feel that! Going back to the letter they left, ,my Mom said that I forgot to respect them. AND THEY KNOW THAT I AM BUILDING MY OWN LIFE. So they know that my boyfriend and I are planning to have a family? ahahaha, that's to far future for us. If you'll ask me, yes, I wanted to change my last name to his last name. But as he said let's take it one step at a time. A supposed to be wedding on August 4, 2011 (which is my 24th birthday) was postponed and planned to have it a year after or 2 years more. LONG ENGAGEMENT! yes! I am okay with it right now. I know he wanted to be the best son-in-law and a husband to me. PERFECT! and so they said that, na-feel daw nilang wala na akong respeto sa kanila but I can respect other people. I wanted to say, I respect people who also respect me not because I have to respect them its because they respect me too.
That is the question I wanted to ask to every parents. Why you always said to us that we are "just" your child? That we need to respect you. I know that! And you'll say "when you become a parent you'll know". well, I have to respect my child too if I wanted to be respected. In my opinion, if you want people respect you, respect them too. Respect is earned not gained.
This is just my opinion and I am not rebellious child or I am having a trouble with my parents. Actually, we're cool. I could say that we have the best relationship as parents and child. May be there were times like this that they MISINTERPRET my words or actions. I am aggressive person, straight forward, I'm not a back stabber and if I am mad, Im mad. I wouldn't follow you when you say be nice.
To some it all up "MY ATTITUDE IS BASED ON HOW YOU TREAT ME"
Anyways, everyday of waiting is such a nervous break down. I really wanted an "yes" answer but it is really up to them.
Dear Lord God,
Please help me with this. I know I am a sinner and I have no right to ask you a favor for me. But you also did say that we should lift it to you and you'll carry our burden. I've been trying to have this for the long time. I hope this is it! I hope this wouldn't break my heart. I have so many plans already, I even day dream about it. And I know you know that. Lord God, I will never question your plans for me but I am grateful each day because I am alive, my parents are safe, healthy as well as my brothers and Raymond's family. Thank you Lord for the digital answers you sent to me for the past days :) it made me really happy.
Thank you Lord. I'll be forever your follower!
Sincerely,
GCVB
Speaking of Parents, my Mom, left a note indicating how they felt about my attitude for the past days. I don't know actually what I told them but I didn't mean it (I guess!). And pansin ko din naman sa sarili ko lately, I've been so irritable to smoke, to people, to parties, to everything. Like my friends said I am having HORMONAL IMBALANCE. =). And I actually feel that! Going back to the letter they left, ,my Mom said that I forgot to respect them. AND THEY KNOW THAT I AM BUILDING MY OWN LIFE. So they know that my boyfriend and I are planning to have a family? ahahaha, that's to far future for us. If you'll ask me, yes, I wanted to change my last name to his last name. But as he said let's take it one step at a time. A supposed to be wedding on August 4, 2011 (which is my 24th birthday) was postponed and planned to have it a year after or 2 years more. LONG ENGAGEMENT! yes! I am okay with it right now. I know he wanted to be the best son-in-law and a husband to me. PERFECT! and so they said that, na-feel daw nilang wala na akong respeto sa kanila but I can respect other people. I wanted to say, I respect people who also respect me not because I have to respect them its because they respect me too.
That is the question I wanted to ask to every parents. Why you always said to us that we are "just" your child? That we need to respect you. I know that! And you'll say "when you become a parent you'll know". well, I have to respect my child too if I wanted to be respected. In my opinion, if you want people respect you, respect them too. Respect is earned not gained.
This is just my opinion and I am not rebellious child or I am having a trouble with my parents. Actually, we're cool. I could say that we have the best relationship as parents and child. May be there were times like this that they MISINTERPRET my words or actions. I am aggressive person, straight forward, I'm not a back stabber and if I am mad, Im mad. I wouldn't follow you when you say be nice.
To some it all up "MY ATTITUDE IS BASED ON HOW YOU TREAT ME"
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Not a good day for a beeyatch
its been a week already that I am annoyed by my boyfriend's attitude. Actually, before it never came in to my mind that I'll not let go him (anymore). But now to be honest. I am thinking of letting him go and giving up on this relationship. Or maybe I am just mad at him that is why it came across my mind. I guess!
When I entered High school and entertained suitors by then, I had tons of short term relationship. That is why I was quoted as the school's play girl. Way back then I do not want to hear of that because I know to myself that I am not. Let's just say the boys I had relationship with was not my destiny. Oh yeah, I do believe in that. But some wouldn't agree with me because people make their destiny not destiny making people. :).
Senior Year, I met this guy whom I go gaga with. 1 year and six months of an on and off relationship! He cheated on me twice. And I didn't noticed it for 6months. I thought he was just busy way back then because he was in his freshman year in College. I trusted him. And found out later on that he had, not one but three girlfriends AND WE HAVE ONE BOYFRIEND! I am the one who found it out. Never been that late. And so we broke up.
I cried a river. nah, i think ocean!!! =). And I wished that Ill never bumped into him again. And when they found out that I am free and single. Suitors came in and out again for me. But at this time I chose no one. I wanted more to be alone. because I want him to be mine again. And yes it happened, and this time we are both in College but in different University, different year level, different course and different City. Yes, Its a long distance relationship that's why he cheated on me again! strike two! ;).
And while Im mending my broken heart, my 2nd serious boyfriend came along. We've been together for 1 year and 6months also. I can't remember how the two of us separated. But all I know I got tired of his BUMness in life. He was out of school youth. His trying to be good in school but his brain can't take it so he decided to just work, unfortunately, he never stayed long in his work! I broke up with him the day of my birthday. As of now, I cant remember our happy moments all was the pain I felt when I am with him. But I do not love him anymore. I promise! not even a little. Breaking up with him never came into my limbic system and not even a whole day of crying came into my mind. I felt happiness when I ended the relationship.
I am 2 years single. There were still suitors but it never lasted because when I said no, it wont change. I graduated from College, I finished it with flying colors. And June 2008, bumming around is my profession. We watched NCAA opening game with friends. There, I met my current boyfriend. I remembered everything. I remembered how I felt the first time I saw him. I remembered everything. The way I smiled. The way he looks. EVERYTHING!
And yes, I did met him with the help of my friend which is his team mate! Oh yeah, his a varsity basketball player. A rookie. So his popular in our University. I remembered my face when we both introduced, the way I held his hand. The way I looked. I remember those! And yeah, we became lovers.
As of today we've been together for 2 years and 7 months. His my longest relationship out of three relationships I had. Like the other couple in love we also had trials that we managed to surpass.
I love the way he smiles, the way he cared about me, the way he showed/expressed his love to me. But there's one thing I didn't like about him. The way he viewed life. It will always the start of argumentation. He has a mind of a shoe box! His not open to any changes in life. His very futuristic. He always started something good and he will not end it right. And that's pisses me off.
But every time I saw his face. His smile. All the anger I feel for him was gone, until now the magic stayed.
And now, I realized, before ending this, I cant let go of him. Because I know I am lucky to have him in my life. May be I cant accept that side of him. We have different opinions and I can not accept his. But to sum it all up. I know, his the man God prepared for him. I know he can be with me through all the shit I do, through all the madness.
What I like about him is that every time I am mad at him he'll just hugged me and kissed me and say "no matter how mad at you are to me, I still love you and I can't let you go" =)
I started this I felt giving up and letting him go AND ended this of loving him more and not letting or giving up on him. Because this relationship ain't "just" a relationship but this is a "worth" relationship.
Well, I guess all I have to do is write it down and let my emotions burst out so I could see what kind of Man I have. A man that every woman dreamt of . And I am blessed because I have him for almost 3 years of my life.
When I entered High school and entertained suitors by then, I had tons of short term relationship. That is why I was quoted as the school's play girl. Way back then I do not want to hear of that because I know to myself that I am not. Let's just say the boys I had relationship with was not my destiny. Oh yeah, I do believe in that. But some wouldn't agree with me because people make their destiny not destiny making people. :).
Senior Year, I met this guy whom I go gaga with. 1 year and six months of an on and off relationship! He cheated on me twice. And I didn't noticed it for 6months. I thought he was just busy way back then because he was in his freshman year in College. I trusted him. And found out later on that he had, not one but three girlfriends AND WE HAVE ONE BOYFRIEND! I am the one who found it out. Never been that late. And so we broke up.
I cried a river. nah, i think ocean!!! =). And I wished that Ill never bumped into him again. And when they found out that I am free and single. Suitors came in and out again for me. But at this time I chose no one. I wanted more to be alone. because I want him to be mine again. And yes it happened, and this time we are both in College but in different University, different year level, different course and different City. Yes, Its a long distance relationship that's why he cheated on me again! strike two! ;).
And while Im mending my broken heart, my 2nd serious boyfriend came along. We've been together for 1 year and 6months also. I can't remember how the two of us separated. But all I know I got tired of his BUMness in life. He was out of school youth. His trying to be good in school but his brain can't take it so he decided to just work, unfortunately, he never stayed long in his work! I broke up with him the day of my birthday. As of now, I cant remember our happy moments all was the pain I felt when I am with him. But I do not love him anymore. I promise! not even a little. Breaking up with him never came into my limbic system and not even a whole day of crying came into my mind. I felt happiness when I ended the relationship.
I am 2 years single. There were still suitors but it never lasted because when I said no, it wont change. I graduated from College, I finished it with flying colors. And June 2008, bumming around is my profession. We watched NCAA opening game with friends. There, I met my current boyfriend. I remembered everything. I remembered how I felt the first time I saw him. I remembered everything. The way I smiled. The way he looks. EVERYTHING!
And yes, I did met him with the help of my friend which is his team mate! Oh yeah, his a varsity basketball player. A rookie. So his popular in our University. I remembered my face when we both introduced, the way I held his hand. The way I looked. I remember those! And yeah, we became lovers.
As of today we've been together for 2 years and 7 months. His my longest relationship out of three relationships I had. Like the other couple in love we also had trials that we managed to surpass.
I love the way he smiles, the way he cared about me, the way he showed/expressed his love to me. But there's one thing I didn't like about him. The way he viewed life. It will always the start of argumentation. He has a mind of a shoe box! His not open to any changes in life. His very futuristic. He always started something good and he will not end it right. And that's pisses me off.
But every time I saw his face. His smile. All the anger I feel for him was gone, until now the magic stayed.
And now, I realized, before ending this, I cant let go of him. Because I know I am lucky to have him in my life. May be I cant accept that side of him. We have different opinions and I can not accept his. But to sum it all up. I know, his the man God prepared for him. I know he can be with me through all the shit I do, through all the madness.
What I like about him is that every time I am mad at him he'll just hugged me and kissed me and say "no matter how mad at you are to me, I still love you and I can't let you go" =)
I started this I felt giving up and letting him go AND ended this of loving him more and not letting or giving up on him. Because this relationship ain't "just" a relationship but this is a "worth" relationship.
Well, I guess all I have to do is write it down and let my emotions burst out so I could see what kind of Man I have. A man that every woman dreamt of . And I am blessed because I have him for almost 3 years of my life.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Welcome
Okay, Im a newbie here! but i find it though quite interesting. Will there be any people out there care to view or read my blog? I actually read some blog posted here. Well, most of it where educated, I found myself saying "oo nga noh?" or sometimes how bad people felt in their life for the whole day (or entire), I might be one of those people whose sentiments where written down here. I am glad that my parents didn't know about this site :) or I dont even know if my friends has one. Facebook and Twitter are/were crowded because everyone across the universe are making friends and/or following each other, to catch up on something.
For now, ill be exploring blogger. Ill try to write an interesting journey of my bitchy world.
I have the right to write everything I think is right. MY OPINION. And if you read it, I know you'll disagree or agree. Its okay! It wouldn't change anything that you STILL read my blog :).
Kudos!
For now, ill be exploring blogger. Ill try to write an interesting journey of my bitchy world.
I have the right to write everything I think is right. MY OPINION. And if you read it, I know you'll disagree or agree. Its okay! It wouldn't change anything that you STILL read my blog :).
Kudos!
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