To begin with, I am a Psyche graduate. Psychology is a branch of Science that studied HUMAN BEHAVIOR.
I remember way back college the professor will usually asked "why do you take up Psychology as your course? isnt your own choice or parents' choice?" I always answered "Its my personal choice. I was inspired by our guidance counselor in high school about the course. And I find it interesting, may be because I want to understand myself more and how to mingle with other people and these course is a pre-law, another factor."
Well, I could say that out of five I hit three objectives.
First, i find it very interesting! somehow i do not believe in theories :) specially Sigmund Freud because it's more of sexual stuffs <he is the founder though :)>. I do believe and consistently live in the Maslow's hierarchy (alright, get a pen and paper! quiz later. :D). The ladder to success are more on reality.
Second was, it's a pre law. yeah, i took law school for one semester, I so want to go back. But because of expensive tuition fees that I cannot support myself even though I am working I cannot. And besides I want to study. ONLY STUDY. I could pass all the subject if only I focus my attention to study. But it cannot be done. Why? I still have sibling who is not yet finished studying and Mom wouldnt take all the responsibility for me because like I said I am employed. But in due time, ill go back and study the Philippine Law and be a dilligent Lawyer. (naks!)
Third, its a personal choice. I cant remember anything my parents told me that you should take this or that. they let me choose. Actually, when I was in freshman year in High School, I want to take up Mass Communication or Tourism. May be tourism, my Mom wants for me (guess!).
The thing that my course that I didn't internalize is understanding myself and how to deal with people. Why? Its because I know what to do but when it is right in front you or you are actually on that scenario, you cannot avoid it. you'll burst into anger instead of understanding yourself or them.
I am an extrovert person. I "usually" go out with friends, have fun, I always love to see people I care surrounding me. But when I am into a relationship, these kind of actions are limited. Oh yes, its about my relationship again. One moment we're okay, one moment not. Lately, I figured it out what's wrong with me. Because I am too demanding that he cannot give me what I really want! That sometimes our situation didnt permit us to these kind of things. But now, as things go longer between us. I figured out what is wrong. It's HIM, capital H-I-M. He was raised with the mentality of "friends cannot give you good things" but rather they'll take you to the bad side of life like using drugs, being alcoholic, etc. But my point is, I do not have friends like that. I choose my friends. And I choose who to be with. I choose to be with them because I know they're a good influence. I cannot remember anything that they drive me to do these stuff or if you cannot do this you're not welcome. DUH??? no!
The point is you do not have to choose between whom you should go with. There's a lot of couples nowadays that there bf's friends are friends with you and vice versa because my definition of a friend is FAMILY, specially when you guys grew up together. Its fun. You could laugh all that silly things happened to you when your first crush founds out that you admire him/her, your first pee in school, your first monthly period and you're panic because you do not know what to do, your first use of sando bra then a bra =))), your first suitor who turns out courting your another friend, your first heart break.. several heart breaks. The separation between the two of you because you have different university and different course. And you're scared because people you'll meet might not want you. But then you gained more friends.
Having a different circle of friends is fun, its like your candidate for an national election and every where you go people knows you. Its like your celebrity. Yes, i had that kind of life! (im not being boastful.) HAD which means past.
From the first day I met him, I know that having a lot friend will be one of a factor why we will be having arguments. And yes, indeed! Im glad that my friends understand these kind of situation. BUT I CANNOT UNDERSTAND! You could be friends with every body as long as you know right from wrong.
For the past three years, I could say that my life have been him, me, him, me! And earlier when we had this discussion regarding those, I said this to him "hindi lang tayo ang tao sa mundo, walang kailangang piliin, wala kang ka-competensya sakin. walang nagpapa-pili sayo," and he said a lot! that it hurts me so much to the point even my family was included. its foul!
He is ANTI SOCIAL! BIG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!! and he want me to be the same. but I cannot. I know there is nothing wrong. But I really changed a lot from the time we became couple because thats what he wants and that is my choice. His a loving, caring person no doubt. But once he burst into anger all hurtful things will pop out to his mouth. And these sucks me so much. I have a good memeory in experience and it will take me a while to forget it.
I again, deactivated my facebook account and now I am thinking if i should deactivate my twitter too. But these blog? I won't! because he doesnt know I have this! and I do not have hundreds of followers here. And people is not interested with what I am posting. This is one way of showing him that he means so much to me. It's so silly. He acted like a ten year old kid. He doesnt even know how to RELAX! sometimes I want him to visit a psychiatrist and have couple of session but I'll bet he wouldnt believe what will the doctor say.
Aside from being ANTI SOCIAL, he don't accept opinions, his failure, when his wrong. He always want what he thinks. His a relogious person but sometimes I know its bad, but I think he is a fake believer of God. or he has faith in a wrong way. Am I bad? Oh yeah, I asked question that no one will bother to answer me back! And he is also obessess (in me) which is I think good factor but its way too obssess that he doesnt want me to have my own life or career. May be he wants but I should be ALONE WITH HIM!!!
Ill never forget what my professor told me, "if you really want to understand other people, you should know where they are coming from", I understand where he came from. But its too much. I do not know until when Ill be like this or he'll be like that.
argh! but the good thing though we're okay! :). I just want to voice out all my emotions so by the time I could talk to him tomorrow Im okay. We're okay. The relationship is still there.
I owe God big time for giving me this patience and understanding. I hope someday he (bf) will build a wall of fame or statue outside our house or somewhere in the land and write it down all the things Ive done for him.
I WISH!!!!
peace, one love, spread it out -from Cabbagie's Vblog.
have a good life! ;)
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