Waiting in Vain

For the record I am waiting for 2 days now. This isn't because we're not okay or there's a problem we need to solve. This is about my future, my own future. I don't know how long this is gonna be. All I know is that every day when I opened my emails, no email coming from them. But I was advise that it will take 20-46 days to know the result. I can not tell you now what it is. Because it might not be for me. I wanna make sure things are in proper places before I publicly tell it.

Anyways, everyday of waiting is such a nervous break down. I really wanted an "yes" answer but it is really up to them.

Dear Lord God,

Please help me with this. I know I am a sinner and I have no right to ask you a favor for me. But you also did say that we should lift it to you and you'll carry our burden. I've been trying to have this for the long time. I hope this is it! I hope this wouldn't break my heart. I have so many plans already, I even day dream about it. And I know you know that. Lord God, I will never question your plans for me but I am grateful each day because I am alive, my parents are safe, healthy as well as my brothers and Raymond's family. Thank you Lord for the digital answers you sent to me for the past days :) it made me really happy.

Thank you Lord. I'll be forever your follower!

Sincerely,

GCVB

Speaking of Parents, my Mom, left a note indicating how they felt about my attitude for the past days. I don't know actually what I told them but I didn't mean it (I guess!). And pansin ko din naman sa sarili ko lately, I've been so irritable to smoke, to people, to parties, to everything. Like my friends said I am having HORMONAL IMBALANCE. =). And I actually feel that! Going back to the letter they left, ,my Mom said that I forgot to respect them. AND THEY KNOW THAT I AM BUILDING MY OWN LIFE. So they know that my boyfriend and I are planning to have a family? ahahaha, that's to far future for us. If you'll ask me, yes, I wanted to change my last name to his last name. But as he said let's take it one step at a time. A supposed to be wedding on August 4, 2011 (which is my 24th birthday) was postponed and planned to have it a year after or 2 years more. LONG ENGAGEMENT! yes! I am okay with it right now. I know he wanted to be the best son-in-law and a husband to me. PERFECT! and so they said that, na-feel daw nilang wala na akong respeto sa kanila but I can respect other people. I wanted to say, I respect people who also respect me not because I have to respect them its because they respect me too.

That is the question I wanted to ask to every parents. Why you always said to us that we are "just" your child? That we need to respect you. I know that! And you'll say "when you become a parent you'll know". well, I have to respect my child too if I wanted to be respected. In my opinion, if you want people respect you, respect them too. Respect is earned not gained.

This is just my opinion and I am not rebellious child or I am having a trouble with my parents. Actually, we're cool. I could say that we have the best relationship as parents and child. May be there were times like this that they MISINTERPRET my words or actions. I am aggressive person, straight forward, I'm not a back stabber and if I am mad, Im mad. I wouldn't follow you when you say be nice.

To some it all up "MY ATTITUDE IS BASED ON HOW YOU TREAT ME"